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S. Easter 5.20 “So Long…” John 14:1-14

The best pastor’s conference I ever went to was in the mid 90’s, the English District district. Ron Feuerhahn was the presenter. He looked at the 200 or so of us pastors and said: “Wow. What a roomful of sinners I see! Lots of failures of faith, love, trust. Let’s start with confession and Absolution.” A weight I didn’t know I was carrying lifted that day…

But that weight has come back these last two months. So, let me start today by confessing to you the members of OSLC: I have failed you. And I am sorry. I ask the Lord’s forgiveness and yours. What is the exact nature of my failure? Well; I have an absolute, divine call as a shepherd of Christ to administer His Word and Sacraments to you without fail, according to His commandment. And clearly, in the Old Testament and the New, this commandment at minimum requires my in-person preaching of the Word and giving of the Sacrament of the Altar each Sabbath, or Lord’s Day. And I simply have failed to do that for all the flock. That failure weighs heavy on me. I ask your and Christ’s forgiveness…(!)

  I know some of you will say “You haven’t failed us, Pastor! You tried your best.” I have tried my best! But my best was not good enough! Failure is failure—no matter how well intentioned. Ezekiel was a watchman over Israel like I am. In Ezekiel chapter 33, he’s told: when the watchman sees the sword, danger, peril, coming upon the flock, and doesn’t do the alarm sounding, sheep tending thing? Big shame, blame on him!…

  Great danger and significant harm has come upon the church these last two months.We’ve been forbidden to worship as the Lord commands—despite the fact that the Constitution guarantees Americans the free exercise of our faith and peaceable assembly—that has been denied us to a great extent. Now, our church was granted, early by the governor, an essential business designation that exempted us from the 10 person max gathering. We could have had 57 per service. I started with 30. Dropped to 10, because the yellow journalism of WRAL put fear into many hearts. I backed off—not because the law required it—but because I thought appeasing an hysterical public would help. Another fail of mine!

    So, let me be clear: we have always and are continuing to follow the public health orders—way better than Harris Teeter, Lowe’s, Home Depot, and the ABC stores do! If we are any threat to public health, those establishments are far more so!!! And I don’t recall a constitutional right to hardware or liquor…(?)

  But, looking out at 6 people in this church and a webcam last Sunday, it hit me: my best has not been nearly good enough. The sheep have not been fed as our Lord commands. You’ve all been harmed by this and it’s my fault. I could have, should have done better for you all…

Public ridicule and nasty news reports are no excuse for failure. You’ve been shooed away from the Good Shepherd, Jesus, and I haven’t gone after you to seek you and bring you back as winsomely as I could have. I’ve let many of you down. A conversation last week impressed upon me that in decrying sleazy, lying journalists and unconstitutional orders not to worship as Christ commands, anger and frustration, at times, got the better of me. I sounded to some people like I was questioning their faith or their courage. And that drove some away. Though it was not at all what I thought or intended, I failed to communicate clearly. I’m sorry. The head of the WHO was right about one thing: the worst thing about coronavirus is how it turns us against each other.

I’ve also learned in the last couple months that all human motives are mixed, mine included. I’ve always known I’m a “Type T” person. Thrill seeking. From my youth, I’ve wanted to be up on the highest branch of the tallest tree in the strongest wind; see how close you can get to the flame; how fast the car will go, how far the plane? That tiny tingle in the back of your neck, that little lurch in the pit of your stomach—became addictive to me. The real prospect of being arrested for preaching the Word(!) was more exciting than worrisome to me. Admittedly, it didn’t bring out the best angels of my nature, perhaps?

I’ve learned what is thrilling to me is terrifying to some others. I wasn’t as pastoral or gentle as I could have been. I’m sorry for that. But my lack of fear doesn’t only or even mainly come from boyish abandon. Actually, and appropriate to say on Mother’s Day: it comes from my momma. My mother taught me to fear, love, and trust in God above all things, always.

  She taught this to me not by catechisms, creeds, and confessions (though she knows and loves those things). She taught it to me in a song I learned when I could barely speak (I know many yearn for those happy, speechless days of mine). We sang it often when I was very little, as she put me to bed. It goes like this…

 “I am Jesus’ little lamb/ ever glad at heart I am/ for my Shepherd gently guides me/ knows my need and well provides me/ loves me every day the same/ even calls me by my name…

 “Day by day/ at home, away/ Jesus is my staff and stay/ when I hunger/ Jesus feeds me/ into pleasant pastures leads me/ when I thirst, He bids me go/ where the quiet waters flow…

   “Who so happy as I am/ even now, the Shepherd’s lamb?/ and when my short life is ended/ by His angel hosts attended/ He shall fold me to His breast/ There within His arms to rest.”

Thanks for teaching me, mom. In college, for a while, I stopped going to church—and my faith and confidence failed. Mom warned losing touch with Church is losing touch with Jesus—the only thing, really, to fear! My mother also taught me Jesus does His feeding, leading, gathering thing through His shepherds—pastors. She made me aspire to this office as my best way to stay close to Jesus. Mom taught me the Good Shepherd’s shepherds must never fail; yet, here I am…

 In the Gospel today, Jesus tells the 1st shepherds [when they failed!] on the way to the cross, with Him: “let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me! My Father’s house has many rooms. I go to prepare a place for you! And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and take you to myself, that where I am, you may be also. And you know the Way to where I am going…”

Thomas goes: “we don’t know where you’re going! How can we know the Way?” Jesus says the Father shows IT. Philip demands: “Well, show us the Father, then!” Jesus says: “Have I been with you so long Philip and you don’t know Me?” We may fail Jesus (even the Apostles did, sometimes!) but He never… fails… us…(!)

So long, Jesus has been with us, so long; and we don’t get Him! But it’s true: when we’re weak, and confess it, when we fail, and admit it, we’ve nothing left but Jesus—Who picks us up, puts His own strength into us [when ours fails]; today I don’t need a replacement… my heart going boom, boom, boom: “Son,” He says, “Grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.” yeah, we’re goin’…

The Way is long, wearying; but through the Empty Tomb, we’ll soon be home. Jesus said there’d be days like this; these too shall pass. Just remember—what mom taught me: as Jesus’ little lambs, the Peace that surpasses all understanding will get us through, guarding our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.